four funerals & a wedding

… Because no trek into unknown territory would be complete without at least a few casualties…

The first funeral: Nemo. Julie and I have learned that you can order the same lunch every day from the same server at the same restaurant, yet find consistent inconsistency with the accompanying dishes. Never a dull moment at the table. Last week they must've drained the tank at our usual lunch place, because our ‘bee bee bop’ [Korean rice dish] was served with a side of guppies alongside the staple kimchi. Yes, guppies. Pet fish! Naturally, we picked out our favourite & named him Nemo. And then Julie ate him. So, we found Nemo and then he found himself a cozy little home in Julie's tummy. Once again, our effortless logic comforted us: She figured we were already enjoying the caviar - might as well skip the middle man and head straight for the damn fish. Farewell, fishy…

And I really do wish these stories got better before they got worse. But the next night, our entire staff went out for dinner in honour of the arrival of two fantastic, over-qualified Canadian teachers [guess who]. But at this dinner our Korean secretary Mi Young – cute, trustworthy Mi Young – confessed she had let me eat a chicken heart the night before. Wait – “let” seems too passive; she encouraged me to eat the chicken heart. She told me “eat this, eat!” and I, foolish foreigner, blindly obeyed. Scarier yet, apparently I [heart] heart. Who knew?!?

But food isn’t the only risky business in Korea – everything is an adventure. But everything has a price, including [especially?] frozen, desperate stupidity. Stranded in Suwon after shopping in Gangnam, Seoul, any other duo might’ve relied on instinct to see the danger inherent in accepting a ride from a stranger in a foreign country … But we were cold, lost, and our consciences were preoccupied with visions of heated floors. So, yeah, we accepted a ride from a random Korean [who was no longer a stranger after introducing herself as “Lee”]. Turns out the only danger in accepting Lee’s goodwill was our own absent-mindedness …. Funeral #3 was reserved for the valuable item that drove away from us in the back of Lee’s car. Whoops. But one good deed preludes another [right?] and we’re hopeful the item will be returned, sentiments intact. Worst case scenario, we could always try to track down our “Lee” from the 10 million that reside in Korea …

Speaking of Korean names ... Before I left, I was so scared I’d walk into a classroom and be expected to learn a hundred three-word Korean names. As it turns out, all the kids have adopted American names – I’ve got a Conan, a Jasper, and a ton of Brians and Henrys. In one class I actually had to give a student an English name [I suggested “Vern” but they didn’t go for it … sorry]. For the most part, the kids are well-behaved …except for that one student who called me “ugly” and “fat” on two consecutive occasions. Turns out “Teacher Susie” converts automatically into “Mean Teacher Susie” when the situation arises …But I’ve got red pen on my hands, stickers in my pocket, and a confiscated elastic band around my wrist … And I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

What I just might trade for the world, however, is a bedroom. So, the fourth and final funeral is actually both welcome and overdue. This weekend, Julie and I will finally bid adieu to our two-bed one-bedroom apartment in favour of a bigger place nearby. Julie really is the best roommate I could’ve asked for, but living and working side by side every single day while living out of a suitcase inevitably and eventually takes its toll ...

Farewells aside, it’s time for the best part of this email: The wedding! My sister is getting married!!! [Congrats again Marsha & Scott!] And, thankfully, the pigs offer International flights out of Seoul quite frequently…


I think that’s it, for now [aside from Soju-induced silliness that I’ll spare you all from]. Stay tuned for more pictures, more food horror stories, and funny quotes from Korean kids.

Oh – and absence makes the heart grow fonder. Really.